Top Ten Reasons You’re a Rich A-Hole

   1. You don’t take vacations. You make a note of often reminding your co-workers (or more effectively, your underlings) that only weaklings and whiners take vacations.
Besides, who wants people to think you let your family decide what you do with your accumulated extra 4 hours a day you’d normally be spending in bed? (see #2)
2. Sleep is for the weak. Life is short. Why waste time extending it by getting a healthful number of sleep hours? Life extension is for people who don’t know how to live like syphilitic kings.
3. You Have a short attention span. Interrupting people is a good way to minimize their (more often than not) inflated self-worth and give you the upper hand. If you’ve ever seen the Jerry Springer show, it’s always the loudest one who wins by not letting the others speak full sentences. If they don’t like it, let them talk to the hand instead as an option.
4. You Don’t depend on technology. Donald Trump doesn’t even have an ATM card. Why carry such a thing when credit cards can be used instead? Cash is only good for 2 things, tipping and giving money to the needy. One of these 2 is just silly, and the other people should be happy enough to be in your presence, let alone serve you at your table.
5. Being underestimated is a good thing. But be careful, it can be hard sometimes to tell the difference between the guy that just brown-nosed you and and the guy at the board meeting with a silent-bob-like,hands-on-the-face-home-alone overly surprised look on his face.
6. You are a one-man army. If you keep thinking of yourself as just the general of your one-man army, well, your just never going to get anything done, are you? You have
to be a very smart one-man army also. And you have to be the guy who gets the no-bid contracts and the guy who doesn’t give his soldiers the equipment they need so they
don’t get “all uppity”. On top of all that, you have to be the one man army who has other people do the shooting and dodging and all that dangery stuff. As they say at the
country club, rough breeds scuff. And those are some expensive shoes, Joe.
7. Success Leads to More Success. And that success leads to even more, and so on and so on. And when that success isn’t enough, you start doing things like hiring 5 men
whose sole job is to scour third world brothels to find dark haired, blind, amputee, midget, hair-lip prostitutes who are willing to pee in shoes for your amusement and thirst
quenching. And when you grow tired of that, it’s on to the next success.  Yay!
8. You Ponder each decision carefully. The only way your going to make bucket loads of money is through a vast number of decisions throughout your career. Donald Trump
says that people should “treat each decision like a lover”. Weigh the financial costs compared to the value of the sexual encounter with said individual. If it ends up costing less than the blind midget amputee sex and it feels better, she may be worth marrying for a while.
9. You Trust your family. But keep your enemies closer. And remember to get that will written early and written well. If you want them to start fighting over you right away, make sure a draft of the will accidentally leaks to the most jealous member of your family. Then what’s really funny is when a few months later you change who gets what so that everyone who did really well in the first draft does really badly, then
leak the second draft to the same family member. Ooh, the looks you’ll get. (Note: Now may be the time to hire those food tasters.)
10. Curiosity didn’t kill the cat, risk did. Never take innovative risks. Only take risks with a guaranteed payoff. You’re not in the business of charity, after all.
You’re in the charity of business.

Note: This is not a jab at rich people or even Trump. It’s a jab at a-holes.

(in response to : Ten Reasons why you’re not a Billionaire)

About eleventyurple

A number and a color, neither of which exist, but oh so much more.
This entry was posted in comedy, digg, eat the rich, humor, mockery, satire, top ten, trump. Bookmark the permalink.

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